City of paradox

Living in Lusaka is an ongoing adventure of opposites leaving you at times frustrated and entertained at the same time. There seems to be a “rush to wait, wait to rush” mentality –with more waiting than rushing.

For example, people rush to get to know you and set up a meeting only to come late.

Then there is the common “friend” who pages you to build the friendship, i.e. hanging up before you answer so he or she does not pay the call charges. Over here, via calling cards you pay for calls you make, not the ones you receive. There is no monthly plan. The pay as you call model gets expensive, and is no way to build a friendship if you are always the one calling back.

Then there’s the perplexity of the minibus, where the difference between the vehicle and a plane is that one gets airtime. Minibuses adhere to the principal of Priceline.com, where an empty seat is loss income. So they rush to key stops to beat other minibuses in reaching potential passengers, then bargain to sell seats. So as passengers, we wait, negotiate, and wait.

Then there’s the service industry, where there’s little service –but delivered with a disarming smile. In 20 minutes friendly associates will build your expectations for a positive transaction only to tell you the printer is broken, there are no batteries, or tickets are sold out. Almost like telling my Tonga language teacher my dog ate my homework.

Finally, in a country where tourism is top priority, visitor visa extensions are as bureaucratic as they come. Perhaps because jobs are difficult to find in the private sector, the government hires many able bodied (vs. able minded) citizens so they can practice passing work through the beauracratic Zambian channel. The sheer quantity of officers may be the excuse for not having a computer system. Just stamps. Zambian immigration has a stamp for everything. For work visas, study visas, visitor visas, and probably one for bathroom breaks. My guess is because stamps are cheap, hard to duplicate, look official, and in the case of the bathroom –a pain in the ass.

Granted, bureaucracy is everywhere (it took me years to get my greencard in the States). But what’s charming about Zambian bureaucracy is the man/woman in uniform. They happily accept they have no clue why they do an act and do it with pleasure, no less, and no more beyond the call of duty. An officer would be most happy to toy with their personal cell ringtones whilst they give you direction on whom to see (when you where previously instructed by another officer to see them).

Think of the system similar to that of calling department of Homeland Security, or your local phone company, except every time you need to press, 1 or 2 or 3, you have a live Zambian giving you instructions in a British accent blended with tribal flair: “Yes, I approve the visitor visa extensions, but I cannot stamp yours. You must go report to the officer in room 205 so he can bring you to 115, see if you are a real person, call the head immigration chief, and if he is not thirsty, he will send you down to me so you can tell me you went to all those rooms and I will stamp your passport only if I get this ringtone programmed properly in my cell. Oh yes. If you come after 16:45 hrs, I will be gone.” To give the officers credit, knock off time is strict, punctual, and observed.

I guess they should get a stamp for that.



Speaking of irony: the USD, pound and euro has dropped by 35% within the last month because the government has released their reserves of foreign exchange currency into the market, they also claim foreign debt has been canceled, and they met the Millenium Development Goals set by the World Bank. Here's the ironic part: Zambia wants to increase tourism, yet they make foreign currency tank in value. Other African countries have not depreciated any foreign currency at such an alarming rate. Despite the Kwacha growing in strength, retail stores have not lowered their prices but increased them to make even higher profits. Daylight robbery occurs even when pickpockets are not on the streets. And there's only one real explanation to the growth in Kwacha strength: Presidential elections are around the corner in 2006.

Mwanawasa is the current President. In my angst, I have made a poster like the above image and placed it around banks in the city.