2-28 Trendsetter Articles

You may recall reading about my involvement with Trendsetters, an NGO focused on increasing knowledge and skills related to sexual reproductive health, HIV/AIDS, and safer sex practices through their very popular magazine. Well, the March issue has hit the streets and I’m officially a published writer in Africa! I was a contributing writer covering foreigners (Muzungus) who go out with the local Zambians, and- get this!- uncovering the truths of the Kama Sutra. Articles have been pasted below. Enjoy.



Beauty and the Muzungu: True love, Economic Partnership, or Does it Matter?
Note: All names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals interviewed. Interviews conducted in Lusaka and Livingstone.

Most of us are familiar with Beauty and the Beast, the fairy tale story of “true love” overcoming the odds and granting the couple life’s “happily ever after”. But we all know that reality is more complex than fiction, so why do we judge our relationships against the Western ideal that we enter relationships for love?

Foreign men often seek out “relationships” with Zambian women, many of whom are just as enthusiastic about the search. However, when we see a young black woman with an old white man we judge negatively, assuming “she’s after his money” and “he’s after her body”. Why? When we judge unconventional couples assuming they can’t be in love (and thus have a legitimate relationship), we create negative stigmas towards relationships that cross race and age categories.

What if we are right and the man is a “sugar daddy”? If so, he provides financial security for his partner and possibly her family. Even if we assume Beauty and the Muzungu are together for “sex and new experiences”, or “sex and money”, our response should not be one of disgust but, rather, a reflection on the bigger picture: do we accept a relationship based on “non-love benefits” be equal to one based on “true love”?

“I get a lot of looks when I walk around with my boyfriend [Peter] because he’s white and looks 10 years older than me. But I don’t care,” says Carla, a recent graduate from UNZA. “With our relationship I shop and eat at expensive places, travel and even share some of these experiences with my friends. We look different, but [Peter and I] share similar interests and enjoy each other’s company—people are wrong to assume it’s just about sex for us.”

Carla’s experiences with her Muzungu boyfriend within the six months they have been dating show how the relationship has exposed her to new experiences that increase her self esteem, youthful curiosities, and social capital (respect and admiration from peers). And as she enjoys this personal growth, she has companionship she enjoys.

Josie, a 26 year old, has been going out with a 53 year old Muzungu for the last two years. Paul, her partner, is separated from his wife (who lives in South Africa) and he works eight months of the year in Zambia. “I’ve had wonderful experiences traveling with Paul. He is a kind man and very supportive of my career [banking] and my family. He has met and helped my mother who is sick, and I have even met his two kids.” Josie continues, “we are both aware of the limits of our relationship due to his marriage, his kids, and our jobs. We just enjoy each other- its not necessarily “true love”. I like him a lot. Not love him a lot. I am sure he would say the same of me. It’s kind of like having a best friend.”

Paul’s relationship with Josie has allowed her to increase her social status among her friends and family. Simply by his financial assistance and emotional support of her career, Josie gets the same benefits as a Zambian woman who has married a successful Zambian: payment of school fees and medical expenses for extended family, miscellaneous household bills, and even the odd car repair job. Being financially secure (in part due to her job and in part due to Paul) she even spoils herself once in a while on a shopping splurge.

“By being able to take care of my family gives me status in my family,” explains Josie. “I see myself as the modern Zambian female: I make my own choices, when it comes to a career, relationships, and family. I don’t think you have to be married and have children to be an adult. My peers and family consider me an adult because I can take care of those around me as well as myself. You could say I have gained the status of a married woman through my relationship to Paul.”

Not everything was always rosy with how people viewed Josie’s relationship with Paul. “My friends and family had to accept our relationship for what it is...if I was with a Zambian man, he would have to provide for me and my family too. The way they see it now, I have the benefits of marriage, but have the freedom I would have lost if I married a traditional Zambian.”

Sometimes, stereotypes are true (and so what if it is!): a relationship between the Beauty and Muzungu can just be about the sex. Or more aptly put, sex can be central to the relationship. Just look at Precious, 33, and the Frenchman Andy, 36. For three months they have been enjoying adventures under the sheets. “The sex is great,” exclaimed Precious. “Partly because we both like sexual experimentation… our lives are chaotic and we find peace together. But we are adults—we got tested before we had sex. We wanted to be careful.”

Almost to perpetuate the amorous French stereotype, Andy explains, “I make her happy in bed, she makes me happy in bed, so our lives are very happy outside of bed.” Precious also admits that her relationship with Andy is a reaction to one of the realities of our world: racism. “It’s wonderful to have your mind and body adored and appreciated by a white man. Black women have been mistreated throughout history—and still are by traditional Zambian men! My relationship with Andy and other couples like us proves that black women are valued.”

There are many reasons why a relationship between Beauty and the Muzungu exists. The woman is not an exploited victim, prey to the Muzungu because of her poverty. Carla, Josie and Precious are autonomous, intelligent women, calculating how a partnership with a Muzungu gives them different tools to fulfill their sense of self and make their place in society. These women’s actions force us to reconsider what constitutes a legitimate, socially acceptable relationship. So, next time you see an oddly placed mixed couple, refrain from your critique—it may be a rare exposure to a real-life fairy tale in action.

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The Kama Sutra: So Much More Than Sex

Kamasutram, generally known to the Western world as Kama Sutra (or Karmasutra, Karma Sutra and Kama Shastra), is often mistaken as ancient India's racy sex manual. The title conjures erotic visions of maharajas performing sexual gymnastics with naked bejeweled virgins. What we’ve failed to realize is the Kama Sutra is not just an erotic work of sexual positions. In fact, only a quarter of the book is devoted to this subject. The bulk of the book gives guidance on how to be a good citizen and insights into social relationships. Even more astutely, the teachings acknowledge the ludicrous concept of abstinence and tackles it by suggesting methods to increase the sexual bond of a relationship, and thus, one’s faithfulness.

Unlike the Victorian Christian view that the sole purpose of sex is procreation (still a prevalent view), in the fourth century Hindus developed a set of beliefs in which the cultivation of sexual pleasure, independent of procreation, was considered one of life's highest callings. Ancient Hindus believed that life had three purposes: religious piety (dharma), material success (artha), and sexual pleasure (kama), a set of ideas that permeates the Kama Sutra and is still a part of Hindu belief. All three life purposes were equal, and the erotic was celebrated as the seat of earthly beauty. In the Hindu world the pursuit of sexual pleasure was revered as a sort of religious crusade, involving genitalia and the heart, rather than swords, blood, war or jihad.

Literally translated, Kama means desire and Sutra is a teaching or discourse. Thus, the Karma Sutra is a treatise on sexual pleasure: the study of the cultivation of kama (desire) in man and woman to assure the transmission of life. In the Kama Sutra, making love is a "divine union"; sex itself is not wrong, but doing it frivolously is sinful.

The Kama Sutra is organized into seven parts:

1. Introduction (4 chapters) - love in general, its place in a man's life, and a classification of women.
2. On Sexual Union (10 chapters) - kissing, foreplay, orgasm, sexual positions, oral sex (heterosexual and homosexual), anal sex, paraphernalia, and ménage à trois.
3. About the Acquisition of a Wife (5 chapters) - courtship and marriage.
4. About a Wife (2 chapters) - proper conduct of a wife.
5. About the Wives of Other People (6 chapters) - seduction outside the marriage.
6. About Courtesans (6 chapters) – courtly life and seduction.
7. On the Means of Attracting Others to Oneself (2 chapters).

The book’s content is proof that the Karma Sutra is not just about sex. The Kama Sutra acknowledges sex as one of the basic needs of all humans, heterosexual or homosexual, but considers sex a higher calling, in which frivolous union is sinful. Therefore, only 20% of the book is about the act of sex whilst 80% concerns acts before and after. Learning the art of Karma Sutra is really about learning to be a skillful partner—physically and emotionally (and thus increasing the chances of a faithful relationship). There are chapters on medicine, keeping the body healthy, keeping one’s spouse happy, proper conduct of a husband towards his wife, and being emotionally in tune with your partner. The Kama Sutra even concludes its discussion of extramarital affairs by saying that it does not advocate philandering, and seeks to prevent it by describing all the ways lotharios might fool husbands worried about their wives' wandering eyes.

Beyond sex, the Kama Sutra illustrates how to be a good citizen and build healthy relationships through the “general arts”, so as to enhance the sexual experience. The general arts include singing, dancing, playing instruments, knowledge of foreign languages, nurturing the intellect, speaking generously and eloquently, painting, calligraphy, cooking delicious foods, treating birds and animals, etc. Similar to the concept of the “Renaissance Man” during the 16th Century, Indians emphasized the notion that knowledge about the world and personal development were central to the cultivation of kama, desire.

When it comes to sex, the Kama Sutra contains a total of 64 sexual positions known as the 64 Arts. The listing of these sexual positions is commonly mistaken to be the entirety of the sutra, teaching. This is unfortunate; as you can see, there is so much more than the 64 Arts. Even within the 64 Arts, modern readers tend to focus sophmoricly on the physical positions rather than the philosophy behind them. In the Kama Sutra, for instance, women are recognized as full, lusty participants in sex, and men must learn ejaculatory control to last long enough to bring them to orgasm: "Women love the man whose sexual energy lasts a long time, but they resent a man whose energy ends quickly because he stops before they reach a climax."

The Kama Sutra is very attentive to women's pleasure, and even more realistic about human sexuality; one can derive from its teachings that abstinence is a joke. The fact that the sutras actively seek to enhance one’s kama, desire (and appeal) is interpreted as increasing one’s chance of a monogamous relationship. Imagine, if two people can achieve a "divine union" through sex; sex can only be sinful if done wrong, and by encouraging to do it right, the bond in any sexual partnership is strengthened. This approach has many sceptics. However, every culture or religion has a different value system – and judging one from the perspective of another is a slippery slope. It is hypocritical to judge Hinduism’s Kama Sutra as sinful, especially when it advocates the cultivation of desire among humanity to preserve our existence and the institution of marriage.

Finally, a little known fact within the book’s most famous chapter “On Sexual Union”, is its acknowledgement of oral sex and homosexuality. Ancient Indian men enjoyed blowjobs as much as men do today, as evidenced by elaborate instructions on how to perform what the Kama Sutra calls "sucking the mango." In an ambivalent aside, it is noted that some men enjoy sucking each other's mangoes.

Today. the Kama Sutra retains its place as a manual for sex. However, it is also a resource providing insights on human relations and building healthy partnerships whether erotic or emotional. If we were as well versed in the other 80% of the Kama Sutra as our egos believe we are experts in the sexual 20%, then perhaps we’d be living in a world with lower rates of divorce, domestic violence and prostitution and instead be enjoying lively courtships, passionate marriages, and monogamous relationships.